Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Sun and streets, leaves up and down Ward Parkway, as my car chased its shadow into Fall. Was it merely the air over my face, or the tunes calling that made today seem more that it possibly could be? I remember thinking once this morning, a sudden fear that I might be dying today, because I felt so damn alive. It passed, but was vivid, sharp and quick.

From the sunrise to nightfall and everything in between it was amazing. Colors were sharper, blue sky and clouds at Frick and Frack and I'll have the something called Monkey, thank you! Clean car, top down, new jeans, favorite shoes, happy tunes teenage kind of day I guess. Thank God to know there are more of those still kicking around this place.

Random thoughts racing and jumbled scientific musings at first waking of how to bake the perfect cinnamon roll! It all seemed so important at the time, as I booted up my brain, pried my face awake and went to fill the car with gas for a days full ramblings.

Not too far, but just far enough today in my jaunt in the country and city. Fair skies and following winds old friends would say and not far from the truth they would be. I think this is the first day I really remembering blanking out to happy. Just a simple smile and nothing more than shifting gears and curves.

Tomorrow brings all it all new. Place change, jobs change, I change. Who and how will I be here again at the new and old? How to live out the things that mean so much to so few? Weary in well doing am I, or merely just tired of walking the same paths and finding nothing new. I will be, what I am now becoming.

All to often I am either besieged by people and activity, or in a sudden drought of activity, but lately finds a steady hum of people and things to do. Has it really been this long single? To date again? What would that look like.? A bit distant I have felt lately at church, somewhat cut off from people, even while being touched and loved. What about Stephen? Glad to know his project is off the ground and time might be more available. Good to get emails and contact again. Is that what I did to my friends, each time career and projects called? I know I did, but for years at a time. In fact the last 2.5 least I've got a good start on retirement!

Odd to think and learn to put here the way that my pen often finds its ways on scrawled pages, but already seen a different tone or turn of phrase will have to be kept and felt for others not knowing will find it all merely code or ramblings, not knowing the how and when that each jot seems to signify as a mental lodestone in my memory. If simple nothing else to put out a brief bit of what I did not capture at the table last morning past, while breeze and content mingled. Some rest soon is in order, but to bed my mind must first be put.

Polo boots not ordered thanks to a lucky comparison of EU vs US sizes, I have to many shoes and boots anyway. What to do with them all? Perhaps a good use they will be put. I guess the same could be said for cars? I can only drive/wear one at a time. and lust, the matter is in your mind.

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